so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
