how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
