I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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