About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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