I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
