No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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