dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
