I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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