Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
