yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS