I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..