Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."