idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER