The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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