I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.