On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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