i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
