Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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