Your face is a jimmy john
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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