Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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