We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
