By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
