Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
