Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
