ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
