alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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