I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
