just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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