Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
