I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
