I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
