Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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