remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
