remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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