your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
