I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
