Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
