Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
