i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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