NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
