Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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