my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
