Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
