your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
