i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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