I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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