How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
