It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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