I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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