He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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