I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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