I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
