I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize