You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
