we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
