is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left