The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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