the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure