he thought i was a dude.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
