You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
