Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
nutella sex= disaster
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
