so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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