New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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