It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
