Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
