the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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