i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
