could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
