I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
