Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
