My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
